The shit sandwich!

A therapist friend of mine calls this a “shit sandwich”. I love this metaphor because that’s what this is. Truth be told, it is much easier to hear a criticism about yourself if its been sandwiched between two good things about yourself. Well, your partner is no different. Your partner will also be much more receptive to hearing you if you’ve softened him/her up first.

Me: “Thank you for doing the laundry today, it really helps me out a lot. I wish you would have washed that whole pile of clothes in the bedroom, but I know you have a lot on your mind with work and everything, and I really appreciate you doing anything around the house at this time.”

There, now isn’t that better and easier to hear than, “Why didn’t you wash that huge pile of clothes in the bedroom, what’s the matter with you, didn’t you see it?” That comment completely ignores the fact that your partner did do something right (washing clothes without first being told first by you). You want to reward your partner for doing something good, not punish him/her by scolding him/her. Like a dog, if you want your partner to keep on doing good things, reward, reward, reward.

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