Archive for June, 2013

You get what you negotiate, not necessarily what you deserve!

June 14, 2013

Don’t pave the way for what you don’t want in a relationship.
Pave the way? What does this mean? I’ll tell you, it means don’t accept what you don’t want at the beginning of a relationship because it sets the groundwork for the entire relationship. You are casting a mold of what you will accept, of what the relationship will look like, of what you will tolerate and of what the future will be. If it bothers you that your partner isn’t more affectionate, but you don’t want to make waves or rock the boat, then don’t be surprised when 10 years down the road you don’t get no lovin’! You are molding the future, take this responsibility very seriously. Be very careful as to what you accept and how much you settle for. As in business, you get, not what you deserve, but what you negotiate.

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I hate you sweetie! You make me sick honey!

June 7, 2013

Use terms of endearment with each other, especially when fighting, it will remind you that you are both on the same team. (Groners eg- you make me sick, honey, I hate you, sweetie).
I think the main problem from fighting or arguing with your partner is not the argument content, but rather the feeling of aloneness, betrayal and resentment that builds when your beloved stops acting in your best interest and acts in his/her own. People really reacte to this, they tend to feel alone, angry and betrayed and THIS, not the content of the argument (he didn’t walk the dog like he promised) is what escalates the problem. Most people aren’t aware of these feelings underneath the spoken word. I have seen this many times and experienced it myself. I actually have my husband tell me he loves me in the middle of an argument sometimes, otherwise I get much angrier and sadder than the content of the argument calls for. I have a friend, Brenda, who’s husband waves a white towel when they argue and says, “Same team, remember me, same team!!” Very wise husband. Another couple friend of mine hold hands when they are fighting. This may seem weird to you, but think about it, this is still the person you vowed to love forever, the person you made love with this morning, the person who surprised you with vacuuming without having been told, why should all that be forgotten when you don’t see eye to eye on an issue. Another couple friend of mine use terms of endearment with one another when fighting and that seems to work for them, it could sound like, “You make me sick, sweetie”, or “I hate you honey”. I’m kidding around here, but you get the point, remind each other that you are still a team despite the argument and you will see how much faster it will resolve with much less damage.