Play putzavah!

What’s putzavah? Glad you asked! Putzavah is a wise Yiddish word meaning stupid, so play stupid! So what this means in the context of relationships is listen to the words your partner is telling you, and forget the body language and energy, even if they are incongruent with the words. Confused? Let me explain. Has it ever seemed that your partner is mad about something, but when you ask her if something is wrong, she says, “No nothing at all!” Your instincts are screaming at you that something is wrong here, that she is upset about something, so you start probing with questions like, “Are you sure, are you sure, you seem mad, what is that look on your face mean then?” All this serves to do is reinforce the bad communication that she is giving. You are giving her attention for miscommunication and this will only serve to reinforce it! Like I said, play putzavah. If she says that nothing is wrong, then go with that! Forget everything else and just go with the words. It will begin to force her to communicate in a more honest and authentic way, which makes for happier coupling!

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